Hotchkiss

The school you go to if your aunt is the same person as your mother. Generally attended by children who's special needs prevent them from wiping their own asses. Teachers have been known to show up to class drunk, stoned, and/or indecently exposed. While the school dean brags that many students grow up to attend the top 20 colleges in the country, that statement is only true if you consider secretly living in a cardboard box in the basement and dealing crack to students "attending." Notable times in the school history include the syphilis outbreak of '87, the great manure fire of '96, and that time that a student realized that he wasn't really in a horrible, strangely erotic dream.