Masterbation

Jacking off Whacking off Beating off Smacking the ho Beating the pig Whipping the Wayne Slapping the salami Whacking the wand Punishing the pubs Burning the beet Beating the beef Beating the meat Jerking the jerky Jerkin' the gherkin Working the slave Choking the chicken Or In redneck terms Buttering the corn Revving the engine Or Hunting the deer