Falkirk

A Dead town which sucks the life out of it's inhabitants and anyone within a 500-mile radius. Over the years, Falkirk has been dominated by fat bisexual tramps who proclaim themselves as 'emos'. These creatures have invaded the town's bandstand although are easily repelled by a shiny adidas logo or two. After several one-night stands with equally bedgraggled towns such as Cumbernauld and Livingstone, Falkirk has even given birth to 10 Children referred to as 'Bonnybridge', 'Grangemouth', 'Camelon', 'Larbert', 'Stenhousemuir', 'The Braes', 'Bainsford', 'The Bogue' and 'Bo'ness'. But we don't talk about Bo'ness. They eat their children there. The town's last scummy residents, are the pensioners. They may be found standing in ASDA on a snowy day, staring at the empty shelves and then harassing passers by. If you see a Falkirk Pensioner, Bag It, Bin it, and then pour petrol in the bin and set it alight. Falkirk is Shite. End of.